Updated: Aug 20, 2021
at is wrong with you? Why can't you figure this out? You shouldn't have said that. You are not good with people? You are a terrible mother, partner, friend. You are fat. You will never get your life together!
This was just a bit of the ugliness inside my head. What if I were to speak to you that way? Not okay right? But do you speak to you that way and worse?
It's time for a heart-to-heart with that voice in your head. You may have picked this up from what you were told in childhood or that voice may be trying to protect you or motivate you to be better, but her process is wrong.
It's not her fault, it's just no one has sat down and said this is unacceptable. I had a wonderful friend who shall not be named, and we would talk on the phone a lot, and one day she said to me, "You are so stupid!"
It wasn't out of anger, but it wasn't out of love either. I calmly explained that she would no longer be speaking to me that way. I don't allow this and that I understood she was used to talking this way, but this would not be a part of our dynamic. She awkwardly apologized and never did it again.
We can do this with ourselves. My friend accepted my terms because she wanted the friendship to continue. I set my boundary and she respected it. Is it time to set that boundary with your inner voice?
It's that simple. When it comes, and it will, calmly explain, "Look, I know you are used to speaking to me this way and I have allowed it, but we are done with this." Imagine her awkwardly apologizing.
She may even try to say you are being too sensitive. You put a figure up to stop her in your imagination and explain, "These are my terms." This relationship with yourself will improve over time.
How would your life be different if you implemented this? If you need help with this work or anything else, book a free coaching session with me. Click the button below.